The Holy Toast

So...this is my new "spiritual" journal. It's a mite drafty in here yet, but I am sure the clutter will get here eventually.

I don't know what to say here yet, except to note down that I made a decision, maybe even the decision: I am going to be confirmed.

Oh, big deal, right? I see you rolling your eyes. Most people are confirmed between 14 and 16 or so, and I'm nearly 20. Little late, I know. But I have my reasons.

I don't want this to be an empty confirmation, as it is or has been for so many of my peers. I did not want to get confirmed simply because my family or my school wanted me to do so. I did not want to pick a saint based on how cool his name sounded.

I want it to be real.

My religion teacher from freshman and senior years of high school had an impact on me when she said "Confirmation doesn't mean you stop going to church-- it means you start. Every week. You've confirmed that this is your face, and you're sticking to it."

So I decided I would not be confirmed. I had (and still have!!) many doubts, many disagreements with Church policy, and a lot of questions. I come from the Irish Catholic tradition, which means that at times, I might see something differently than a mainstream Roman Catholic. I attended Catholic school for fifteen years, but I've never read a page of Aquinas (much to my chagrin!)--but I have read all the Gospels, at least! My knowledge has a lot of gaps, but also a lot of fun information. I'm a classics scholar, so I get to study a lot of Very Early Church History, which is oodles of fun, because, as everyone knows, nothing is quite so entertaining as seeing a Christian being devoured by a lion (I jest...mostly...well, the Catholic in me does, my ancient Roman self on the other hand...;) ).

In any case... that's what this journal is all about: My Confirmation. I don't know when it will be. I haven't started the class for it. But it's coming. I've decided. And now you get to read about it. You get to see how I feel about this theology stuff, this faith stuff, this belief stuff, even. You get to see how I feel about going to Mass (which, incidentally, I don't do too often) and how I feel about the Pope (I don't like him as much as I liked JP II, but then again, those were really big shoes to fill and I should cut him some slack), and even how I feel about my studies and their relation to the Church. History is everything. This is mine. Let's all try to enjoy it.

"Remember how long you have been putting this off, how many times you have been given a period of grace by the gods and not used it. It's high time for you to understand the universe of which you are a part, and the governor of that universe of whom you constitute an emanation: and that there is a limit to your circumscribed time--if you do not use it to clear away clouds, it will be gone, and you will be gone, and the opportunity will not return."

Marcus Aurelius
Meditations